reflection 07/29/2017

For personal growth and shadow work…
As a child I spent a lotta years finding forgiveness and compassion for the people who killed my people in the thousands. Whose diseases dropped our people like flies… and whose narcissistic/misogynistic cultural beliefs obliterated even more of our people… whose elitism created suffering for the entire globe.
 
It was a battle of life and death.
 
It also included exploration of core beliefs, and changing them.
 
This was all intuitive for me. And then when I became an adult… that’s how I got the words “Finding/Changing Core Beliefs” which I learned in Bridges for Women.
 
What helped me was reading spiritual teachings.
Or reflecting on the teachings I received at gatherings – usually funerals.
 
There’s a lot out there to help your growth.
You won’t grow if you don’t step out of your comfort zone.
If you won’t change your beliefs then you’ll always stay stuck where you’ve always been.
 
What I mean is things like.
“I’m not good enough.”
“I am evil.”
“I will be abandoned.”
 
And I’m not implying it’s easy at all.
It requires a fierce determination when in the emotional awareness of “I am not enough.” to power through and believe, “I am enough. I am lovable. I am desirable.”
 
That was my way for a long time.
 
But nowadays it is easier. I can easily be unaffected by people. I can also move through my hurt feelings.
 
There is still growth to be made.
 
I’m still out here just tryin’ not to hurt anybody.
Trying to find out ways to help people, that don’t require me doing the work for them. Ways that make me feel good and full and like I’m contributing, but not taking on other peoples’ work. Not because it’s too hard, but because I know I only grew because I felt like I had to do it for myself. And that sometimes I wouldn’t be compelled to change behaviours when I felt like I was too comfortable.

Gotta work now!
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