Thoughts on Aboriginal Rights and Title – incomplete

I’m sure many ppl have heard of Aboriginal Rights and Title…

One of the reasons the ppl fought for this is because we have rights through treaties and the Indian Act to hunt and fish.

Some treaties say something to the effect of – to the right to live our lives as we always have: hunting the game we’ve always hunted, fishing for fish we’ve always eaten, gathering and harvesting all the foods we’ve always eaten.

And for the Douglas treaty this means on any public and crown lands (as far as I know).

So if you see a Native harvesting in a park and you’re not Native and for some reason this offends you. Step back. Walk away. Because the people under the Douglas Treaty have a right to gather plants such as camas, ferns, cedar, devils clubs, etc.

Your “public parks” or “trails” were often our meadows or forests for gathering food or medicine.

And where your homes are were also these places. But, we can’t go there anymore because your house is there. Our livelihoods were killed and destroyed for your ability to live in a home.

But I’m bringing this up because even though we have these rights and even though government agencies know our rights they like to try to incarcerate Indigenous people, take their guns or boats, in some extreme cases peoples accounts get frozen. Because a Native wants to fish and feed their community.

And year after year our people need to talk to DFO (usually) to say, “Hey. You infringed upon our rights YOU broke the law by taking this person’s food.”

And it needs to usually be an elder with history in politics or whose had this happen to them, or the Chiefs and Council. But, more and more the Chiefs and Councils won’t fight this.

Our communities need to hold our Chiefs and council accountable for failure to stand up for our community members, but something can be said about settlers putting pressure on DFO and conservation departments to back off from Native fisherman. Do their job to make sure commercial fisherman aren’t overharvesting and also limiting permits or whatever they give commercial fisheries the right to fish in Our waters.

Does that click a lightbulb for some people? You need permission to be in our space rather than the other way around? Canadians so often think Indians need permission to do anything.

It’s not our fault that colonialism has a legacy of taking too much. People get mad that they can’t take as much fish as they used to. It’s because of a lack of harmony with nature. It’s been take take take in Canada for over 150 years. Who knows how long on the other side of the globe. It’s colonialism that created this. And we never wanted a part of it. Some nations of people actually did. But we didn’t. And we are forced to – by following colonial laws that managed to be in alignment with us having rights – teach people how they’re doing things wrong. How we as a race of ppl need to stop fishing. How we’ve taken too much. How our actions have consequences. But many commercial fisheries people resort to blaming Indians and talking down on Indians. They don’t want to be accountable for what’s happening in the water. All they see is how they’ll suffer. They don’t see how everything is suffering because of this imbalance.

It’s a tragedy of the human experience.


We don’t need to build up tension to justify self-care

I think a reality that many people find hard to accept is that just because things are hard, doesn’t mean somethings wrong with you.
“I find myself arguing a lot with people.”
Even if my astrologer’s insight can tell you that there’s a Mercury Rx happening, or that Pluto or Mars is presently squaring or opposing your Mercury…. This doesn’t really matter.
The problem we all have is thinking “This shouldn’t be happening.” or, “This is happening because I”m a bad person who apparently deserves punishment.”
We need to spend time learning. We need to have release.
For some reason, people expect that if they manage to release a lot of anger that they’ll never argue again. Or that if they heal something they’ll never get triggered ever, ever, again. And, I mean, healing definitely can provide us a life that is free from reactive behaviours or addictive behaviours that have plagued our lives… but it doesn’t mean you just stop needing to learn, or experience spiritual practices – be it through retreats, or ceremonies. We need spiritual practice because we’re not meant to be robots.
We often suffer most because we think we’re robots, or avatars from our fighting games. That we upgrade our punching speed, and power, and build our stamina and endurance, and create a fighter that is undefeatable by the computer game system then we can’t lose anymore.
That’s not what life is supposed to be.
Through our lives we will have different challenges. We will need to definitely upgrade all our skills throughout our life, I can’t say for certain – since I’m not there yet – but I imagine the challenge we’ll be facing when we’re old is things like “Is this person trying to take advantage of me or steal from me?” Right now we’re just thinking we have to be perfect all the time – which is why ppl hate the word happy, because they know all the reasons they’re not perfect.
We think if things are challenging then we must be doing something.
Challenges provide us opportunities to be self reflective.
-Am I active enough?
-Do I need to recharge?
-How have I been eating?
-Do I need a change?
-Am I being too hard on myself
-Do I just need to do nothing?
-Is this actually even my responsibility or is someone putting me in a position to take care of their problems?
We can even grin and bear some of these challenges because we recognize decisions in the past that lead to this present moment.
We’re always going to need to take care of ourselves. What helps is if we stop thinking self-care is a bad thing.
“I need to go on a retreat because life is hard.”
Someone can read that and their inner voice will be full of angst.
Another person can read that and not be making a big deal out of it.
We often think that if our pain/struggle/grief/challenges aren’t “big” or “Dramatic” enough then we don’t deserve to take care of ourselves in this way.
The point is we do need to take care of ourselves, and we don’t need to wreak havoc on our own psyche, nor the environment (i.e. relationships, toxic energy) that surrounds us to justify needing a retreat.

We don’t need to explain ourselves to anyone. We don’t need to justify ourselves to anyone, especially ourselves. If we have a yearly getaway for your spiritual needs, that’s hardly excessive. If we need X amount of hours by the ocean per week, that’s what we need and it doesn’t mean something is wrong with us for needing that self-care. I’m saying this to the individual who thinks there must be something wrong with them for being stressed, or unable to feel happy when they’re stressed. 

Stress is to be expected, and the need to release stress is also natural.
And, you may, through your practice of releasing stress, actually cure yourself of being triggered by certain events in your life that frequently stress you out or cause you pain… but the point of self-care isn’t necessarily to cure yourself. Don’t go in with that intention, but gracefully accept that should you come out with it. Go in with the intention of understanding what relief feels like. If the concept of relief seems vague. Think of it is you spend much of your day-to-day life breathing shallowly. Almost as if you’re always holding your breath at some points of your day. Imagine effective self-care is places you can go or practices you can do that allow your breathing to be deeper… imagine it allows you to feel that expelling out breath that you’ve been holding in so long. Much of our pains, struggles, and challenges are a reflection that we’re not letting things go. That we’re trying to change the past, or prevent something from happening (again) in the future. That cleansing out breath, that peaceful place of natural and relaxed breath can be that freedom we seek. If we provide ourselves enough time to experience that relaxation, we can carry that through the stressful times. And, if we’re not then we are just needing to make time for that freedom again. There’s no right or wrong. There’s just movement, and pause. Are you moving too much? Do you need to pause?
These pauses. We will all crave different space for pause. Some may wish for a daily place of pausing – although many would say it’s essential, it really depends where your mind is at if that is possible – some may crave the opportunity for a day, or a few days to be in an environment of everyone being together with the same intentions. Others may need teachings from elders or spiritual teachers to feel like they’re being nurtured.
Whatever it is we need. Take it, without shame of having a need.

No use pretending men using power to control people for their sexual desires is new or limited to Hollywood

We should all know this honestly.

So I had to make this.

If you look up these people and read articles about them, you’ll be able to put things together of peoples stories around you. I’m not saying we should fear one another, but we need to recognize rape culture.

How can we change anything if we don’t notice and awaken to the signs?

It seems we are at a point of figuring out how to dismantle this rape culture that’s existed for centuries and is rooted in colonialism. Colonialism is rooted in theft of land. Colonialism = raping and killing and then blaming the victims and calling them crazy for speaking the truth.

When I googled “convicted for sexually abusing” the second article on the search results was “the effects of lying about sexual abuse for the accuser and the accused” something along those lines.

I know this stuff is triggering for so many people, but this stuff has to come out for us to evolve as human beings.

And for those who say “Ok now what?”

Well it’s those who’ve committed wrongs who have to actually live the experience of feeling limited and confined.

When one has been a victim – we develop things like agoraphobia… a lot of the restriction and confinement comes from within. We stop going places for fear we’ll be a victim again. We feel shame, embarrassment and guilt.

Well, perpetrators have to live the reality that they have to face the feeling of shame and guilt.

You think any man whose attained any prestige was walking around feeling ashamed of what he did? No he was looking for his next victim. He was grinding down his victims’ will. And he felt good knowing he could end their career if they didn’t give into his perverse needs.

We don’t need to feel bad for them. Let them feel that guilt, shame and embarrassment. It’s their turn.

Do I believe in forgiveness. Yes. In my experience every perpetrator is a victim first. And many victims manage to hurt someone somehow.

All people are capable of abusive habits. All people. We are learning how to love the darkness. The negative.

That is how we end cycles.

Endometriosis Information

I do not have endometriosis, but I’ve never quite FULLY understood the condition. A friend of mine laid it out fairly well, so I want to share what they wrote to me. 

Endometriosis is a very complex condition. There are only theories as to “how” this happens, but it seems like the 10-15% of women who have it, have it since birth, as it is present in about 10-15% of dead female fetuses.

Endo does not exactly spread, however, it is a progressive disease where the lesions of endometriosis infiltrate deeper into tissues over time. The lesions can be extremely painful, in many cases, ALL throughout the monthly cycle. The inflammation that is caused by endometriosis produces webs of scar tissue, binding into adhesions that can ‘stick’ organs and such together(this can be excruciating). The lesions themselves can kill sections of intestine, kidneys, ureters, bladder walls, lungs, thigh or abdominal muscle, cardiac muscle…… the list goes on! Properly excising the diseased tissue often requires collaboration between multiple surgeons due to the wide swath of organs and body regions that can be affected.


Endometriomas of the ovary, also called chocolate cysts, are present in 30-40% of women with the disease, and they are often indicative of DIE(deep infiltrating endo) being present elsewhere in the pelvis/abdomen. Seen in the above images, chocolate cysts can be enormous, and they are heavy since they are packed tightly with old blood fluids. When my cyst has leaked, the pain has been so bad I have experienced paralyzation.

There are a few problems…… first off, there is no way to confirm or even truly diagnose endo without sending tissue off to pathology following a laparoscopic surgery. Women who do not have endometriomas, or who have small cysts……. their ultrasounds and MRIs can show nothing at all, and they can still end up with pervasive disease confirmed in and after surgery.

Doctors and even gynecologists are severely undereducated about endo. A life-altering and potentially fertility-stealing condition affecting 10-15% of women is apparently not important enough to take up more than a couple of pages in a textbook that barely warrants discussion.

endo pic

Women are pushed into hormonal treatments that can help symptoms, but also can cause side effects, and they ultimately fail to do anything to prevent the deeper manifestations of the disease from progressing.

Time to diagnosis is 8 YEARS on average. After diagnosis, women are sent in for ineffective ablation after ablation and many undergo unnecessary hysterectomies. The AVERAGE number of surgeries for endo is 9!! Nine is the average. No wonder the medical associations keep endo “in the dark” ~ what a fantastic cash cow.

The disease is different for each and every woman. Amount of endo does not always correlate to pain levels. In addition, some girls(ME) experience symptoms before even having their first period. My problems became over-the-top 4 years before I reached menarche. I had to live through 25 years of everyone telling me I have a problem, but it’s “in my head”……… and only now, now that I have a giant endometrioma can I be believed. The additional problem for me is that I likely have endometriosis on my diaphragm, so I am desperate for a true expert, and there are SO FEW experts around.

Teenagers NEED education about endometriosis. With knowledgeable professionals, endo CAN be caught and treated early, preventing girls and young women from having their lives stolen by this extremely common ‘hidden’ disease.

Additional information from my friend in regards to adenomyosis. 

The way I understand it, adenomyosis is kind of like having endometriosis inside of the uterus itself. Ladies with adeno seem to have the most crippling uterine cramps of all, and the issue can be accompanied by excessive bleeding, along with bleeding that can last for too many days.

Uterine Fibroids, and Pelvic Floor Dysfunction are a couple of other pelvic pain generators that can cause significant problems. I wanted to make sure to mention these other diseases because endometriosis is not the only one that gets overlooked. Many women with these debilitating problems get diagnosed incorrectly with things like Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, IBS, Crohn’s Disease, and so on and so forth.

Below I will include links for your own reading and watching.



It’s been a while… and I’m still weird

With someone like me… If I were to say, “This. This part of me. It’s not gonna change until my dying day.” 

Because I am willing to go great depths… because I’ve been willing to change…

People take that as me giving up. 

That I’m strong enough or smart enough to change something about me that seems to be presenting a challenge in my life.
What if I’m not giving up?

What if I’m accepting.

When I say something can’t change I don’t see it as a flaw.

It’s the equivalent of my hair being brown, or my legs being long. 
Some parts of my character or personality are as solid as stone. 
I’d rather learn to work with them than against them. 
My two biggest challenges are that I feel extremely responsible and also desire radical change. It’s not a fun trait but it’s who I am. I’ll always want to be a responsible and accountable person. It may result in me being unwilling to take risks. Yet, I crave risks. It’s fun! That’s where learning happens. 
However, so often the risk taker is an individual. My responsible nature needs to ensure that I’m not just doing things for my own benefit. I want us all to benefit. I don’t want just myself to thrive. I want everyone to feel like they are thriving or have the potential to thrive as well. If it’s just me thriving, it feels like failure.
That is who I am. 

That is how I’ll always be. 

reflection 07/29/2017

For personal growth and shadow work…
As a child I spent a lotta years finding forgiveness and compassion for the people who killed my people in the thousands. Whose diseases dropped our people like flies… and whose narcissistic/misogynistic cultural beliefs obliterated even more of our people… whose elitism created suffering for the entire globe.
It was a battle of life and death.
It also included exploration of core beliefs, and changing them.
This was all intuitive for me. And then when I became an adult… that’s how I got the words “Finding/Changing Core Beliefs” which I learned in Bridges for Women.
What helped me was reading spiritual teachings.
Or reflecting on the teachings I received at gatherings – usually funerals.
There’s a lot out there to help your growth.
You won’t grow if you don’t step out of your comfort zone.
If you won’t change your beliefs then you’ll always stay stuck where you’ve always been.
What I mean is things like.
“I’m not good enough.”
“I am evil.”
“I will be abandoned.”
And I’m not implying it’s easy at all.
It requires a fierce determination when in the emotional awareness of “I am not enough.” to power through and believe, “I am enough. I am lovable. I am desirable.”
That was my way for a long time.
But nowadays it is easier. I can easily be unaffected by people. I can also move through my hurt feelings.
There is still growth to be made.
I’m still out here just tryin’ not to hurt anybody.
Trying to find out ways to help people, that don’t require me doing the work for them. Ways that make me feel good and full and like I’m contributing, but not taking on other peoples’ work. Not because it’s too hard, but because I know I only grew because I felt like I had to do it for myself. And that sometimes I wouldn’t be compelled to change behaviours when I felt like I was too comfortable.

Gotta work now!

If you want to trigger me – talk about the state of Indigenous children in Canada

For over 150 years the Canadian government has essentially been in support of the rape, murder, and use of Indigenous children as guinea pigs for nutrition and social experiments. I’m not exaggerating. Ever since Residential Schools were opened, and thereafter when they created Child Welfare and started literally abducting kids by the busloads and making them wards of the state or literally selling them to Americans… Canada has been willfully traumatizing and psychologically torturing Indigenous children. And it was never a mistake. The intention has always been to kill the Indian in the child.

Canadians – and the world – have been fed a lie that Canadians are polite, peacekeepers. When in reality they’re the sociopath who looks completely normal. Your white veterinarian nextdoor neighbour. Yet, the country has filled residential schools, child welfare systems, and prisons extremely disproportionately with Indigenous people. And, furthermore, the lands which they cordoned us off into – reserve lands – have the worst industrial wastes to deal with while the rest of “Canada” is pristine. None of this is an exaggeration by any means.
Canada is a polite looking rapist.
Today I saw this video. And I have to say that some of the sentiments shared are ones I’ve had to share with rooms full of people before. I’ve had to share it face to face with a white lady while she was in tears. I prefer tears over complete and blatant ignorance that Jocelyn Wabano-Iahtail had to put up with – what I had to put up with in those rooms.
Why is Justin Trudeau to blame?
Because this. Because it’s been a year and a half. I don’t want to hear “We’re working on this.” I don’t believe you. Whose been fired? What new policies have been implemented? Have some investigations been launched into those working for and running the worst departments in Child and Family services?
How does the Canadian government help? It’s like asking a rapist how can they stop raping people. There’s no help coming from a rapist. A rapist must stop raping. There’s no help in there. It requires the government of Canada to know what Rape actually is. This is kind of a metaphor but it’s actually, sadly, quite literal. Look at the western world. People don’t know what rape is. People literally don’t know what rape is.
If anybody wants to know how to make this world a better place, we all need to face facts that the society we live in is established on the concept that rape is an inevitable part of life for most people. Rape is an inevitable experience most people should expect. Think about that. Some people who read this will literally have been raped. And for those who haven’t – they have a friend who has been raped. They have female and male friends who have been raped. The people they know were children when the incident happened, or adults when it happened.
Why am I talking about rape so much? Because, rape is assault using force, coercion, authority, or power. And, yes, it’s almost exclusively applied to sexual assault. And I’m not using rape for affect, at all, because Indigenous women and children are disproportionally sexually assaulted – for sure – but this assault on Indigenous bodies is also completely tied to the violence on the land.
When we say – stop taking our children. Literally stop. Cease and desist until further notice.
When we say – stop poisoning our water. Literally stop, right now.
When we say – find our missing women. We mean find them, and find out whose taking them. Find out how many women they’ve taken – Indigenous or not – STOP THEM from doing that.
When we say – stop talking. It means shut up. Sit in silence. And in ceremony. Shut up for a long time.
What are you so desperately developing the land for? Invaders have ghost towns all over “Canada” and “America”… yet they’re compelled to continue to deforest the land for… what exactly? You don’t need to expand your cities or towns. You have some you already destroyed land to make, why can’t you rebuild them? What logic is there to destroying land because it’s “easier” than fixing something that you broke?

Trees take hundreds of years to grow, and provide us amazing oxygen, and spiritual peace… Hemp/Cannabis grows super duper fast and can replace a lot of building materials… yet it’s not yet become industrialized to help us save tree resources? In 2017?
Indigenous people were blamed for years and years for “slowing down development.” I hope you’re thanking the people who slowed down development. They pumped the brakes on a train going off the rails. You’re welcome. But, really, Canadian government is actually slowing down actual beneficial development for themselves – clean energy technology, holistic sustainable living, etc.
And what is my point of bringing all this up? Because it really is all connected. The Canadian government is still deadset on killing and destroying land, water and Indigenous people. It’s still a system that wants to kill the Indian in this country. It really is. And because it’s still focused on killing Indians and lands. When you awaken to this you will be able to become a part of the solution this world needs. You’ll understand what “wrong” is.
This is a triggered blog post. Just FYI.

My Grandma.

I miss my grandma, today. Would have loved for her to meet my kids and they meet her. I feel like she’s one of the rare people in the world I could’ve ever asked, “What do you think grandma? Do you think what I’m doing is the right thing to do?” One of the few people I owe anything to… and she had that right because she loved me unconditionally and she’s someone whose legacy I am meant to carry on. She had about 15ish? or so grandchildren… We’ve all gotta piece of her in our DNA… and her love has touched countless people…
But, when she was alive, I didnt’ really know who or what I wanted to be. I mean, I sort of did, but I was still contemplating whether or not any of it was attainable, or worth striving for…
But, now I wish I could ask her if there was someone I should go see to help me learn things from our own people. I know technically I have many aunties, many SELSILE (siblings to my grandparents :P) that I could go see… but, they’re not her. I’m not saying that they’re not “enough,” but it just doesn’t feel the same. She babysat me and my siblings for years. She taught us to pray.


There are a lot of spiritual teachers or healers who take the approach of helping people find out what’s wrong with them.

When I help people, I do my best to show them what it feels like to be loved in all states of distress. When anxiety, depression, anger, or anything else is experienced, I try to show them what it’s like to experience that authentic emotional state without judgment.

We all need that. We need to know that we don’t need to be fixed to be loved.

We all care, don’t we?

Maybe I’m naive. Maybe I’m just so out of alignment with folks who have vastly different beliefs than me, but I think we all want a beautiful and healthy world where we don’t need to war with one another.

I actually am not naive, lol, and feel this is true, that even the most seemingly hateful folks have the same desire, but their pain and need and belief that there is only one way to success – the oppression of another – overshadows their desire that we all have – for connection.

We’re all addicted to something and escaping another thing. All of us. The most consumerist, the most humble, the most sinister folks, we all want to get away from our fears at some point in our day.

The thing is, of course, that not everyone wants to go in deep within themselves and examine this pain. We’re so afraid of it we escape through substances, through conquering one another (sexually, economically, etc.)

I truly feel that the best way we can be here in this world in the most loving way – even while it’s so seemingly out of balance – is to do that spiritual work of emotional investigation.

I know there’s so much “wrong” in the world, but by investigating my emotions and feeling them in every possible perceivable cell (because there’s some cells I’m sure that are like, “Hey, we could use some feeling action!” and I haven’t been able to perceive their pain, yet) I am not hurt by the predictable actions of humans. When someone is caught up in the mainstream ideologies they will usually make disappointing decisions. The mainstream thought makes us make gods or heroes out of our idols and we often cannot allow them to be human and flawed. We only know “right” or “wrong” or “inclusion” or “exclusion” and we don’t make room for the grey. If someone’s behaviour is grey we can only conceptualize of them as right or wrong. I just make everyone grey, in my mind. Lol. Many are uncomfortable with the idea – “Make them good or bad, please?” I don’t want to though.

I’ve distracted myself into my thoughts for long enough. Time to work.